where fear leads you
by MM2
Summary: fear gets hisoka in big trouble... but things can get better... .FINAL UPLOAD (finally)- Chapter 8-COMPLETED!- warning- shonen-ai implied! TxH
1. giving in to fear

Hi! Revamped version of my fic. I have still no beta reader though… still please read and review! Hope it is not too bad. 

I have read so many fics lately that I hope I have not unwittingly plagiarised someone... please let me now if you feel otherwise. 

Disclaimer: I don't own YnM or any of the characters. I hopefully have invented Sacha and Anya though.

(POV changes throughout. The first paragraph is from Hisoka's point of view-may not be too clear! Thanks Ruby-tears for pointing out! And %=memories and _italics_=thoughts)

Muraki. Things always started and ended with him. Like his own life. What did he have to do with all this. Why now.  He had let down his guard he knew. The shock. The fear. The fear that Tsuzuki… That's where he had gone wrong. 

%"You. of all people. You disgust me. Stay away from me. I hate you!! Stay away from me!"%

_Why did  I say that_. The despair in the amethyst eyes. The sobs. The despair in Tsuzuki's heart. He should have looked at that. Instead he had only paid attention to his own fears. His fear of pain. Of pain from Tsuzuki. He must have forgotten what pain really meant then. But Muraki hadn't failed to remind him.

From the bed soaked in blood, Hisoka turned his gaze to the window. Where were they. This wasn't Japan. How long had it been...

"Two weeks. No news." Watari said absent-mindedly to his owl. Two weeks when no work had been done. Even by Tatsumi. They had searched the country far and wide and all they had come up with was that Muraki had left the country. With Bon. Two weeks when Tsuzuki had been in a state of shock. He kept repeating that it was in fact his fault. Tsuzuki hadn't said what happened, but he could guess. "Since he doesn't want you anyway, I have come to get him back. For good, maybe" He could guess the reaction as well. Hence the stroll in Chyou that had got Bon kidnapped. Had Muraki guessed too? Had Muraki thought that the curse was on the way to be broken? Maybe then he would give bon back alive. But in what state?

The door of the apartment had slammed. That's how he always knew when Muraki was back. Back for more pain and horror. 

%"But this is the final time, boy"% 

After taking what he wanted from him again, he had cut far and deep with his knife, and written some words on his neck. And now his wounds weren't healing. He was bleeding to death. He smirked as he thought the man had in fact little imagination. 

So this was the end. Reminded him of that time in Nagasaki. But this time, no Tsuzuki bursting in, not here, not after what he had said. 

%"I hate you"% 

And Tsuzuki must hate him too now. I hate you. The last words Tsuzuki would remember him saying. For eternity. But this can't be. Shouldn't be. He gathered all his remaining strength.

The walk had taken them to St Paul's cathedral. It had been one of those rare sunny days in London. It was dusk now, fewer people walking around the church. Not many people to stare at the dark red pool and the semi-naked boy on the steps. Dirty white of the steps. The red of the blood. Pale white skin. A deja-vu had hit Sacha like a running train. Anya had just stared at him. "He should be dead. But he is breathing." "He is one of us. A shinigami like us." In the whim of a moment Sacha had made him invisible. When the man in white had walked into the square she had known why.

He was beautiful. Could have looked like an angel. If she hadn't been able to feel the darkness inside that was. Like the deepest of pools. One she had no intention in diving herself in. He was courteous and might have looked concerned enough about the boy. If she hadn't felt the fury inside, the fury that the boy had escaped him. Sacha shivered. Anya and her had just made a far too powerful enemy.

Tatsumi burst in without knocking. Very unlike Tatsumi. "You should come to Kacho's office." His face promised no good news. Tsuzuki heart sank. Really he hadn't known it could sink any deeper. But here it was at a new lowest. Because as he followed Tatsumi he already knew. Because as he confronted the stricken faces of Konoe and gushojin and Watari he already knew.

"Kurosaki-kun is dead."

Hisoka was dead.

And he had been wrong again. His heart sank even lower.

He vowed Muraki was going to die for this. 

Sacha's eyes scanned the screen. Every line of this boy's life story was like a stab to her heart. She let tears flow from her eyes. All shinigami had fucked up stories. All shinigami had suffered, or else they just didn't get here. But this was beyond belief. Anya's gaze instead was fixed on the line at the top of the page. Deceased, it read. Soul entered Meifu 15th May. "So we only saved a remnant. Great" Her voice sounded hurt. She too had wanted to help. "We should report to above. It's their territory. They will get so much shit. A foreign shinigami dies on their territory and they didn't even know he was there." "He wasn't reported missing. How stupid of them. Should have let the pride go for once." Sacha's voice was like a whisper. "HIs friends are here. Or rather up there whatever. Have been enlisted to help look for Muraki. Can you imagine if they saw him... No point really. His body will die soon enough, with nothing but the remnant of a soul. Let's just wait until it's over." Anya glanced at the boy. A young boy. Raped and killed and then raped and killed again. "Muraki should pay for this."

Tatsumi looked out of the window into the clouds that covered the sky, as usual in London. He and Tsuzuki were having a hard time working with the English shinigamis. For one thing he personally blamed them for the death. Tsuzuki rather blamed himself which was good in the way that he wasn't going to return the favour by killing some of the local shinigamis. Just how much his own affection for Kurosaki-kun had grown he had not known until now. And now it was too late. When he had first heard of his reaction to Tsuzuki's confession he had felt rage at the boy. But now he understood. And now it was too late. 

Anyway, even though he now was no longer laying low, Muraki was proving hard to find. Not that they had a clear idea of what to do if they found him. All had proved insufficient up to now. Tatsumi had a feeling Tsuzuki would try to use Touda again. Who was going to jump in the flames to save him this time. Tatsumi? Even if he did, he doubt his friend would accept to come out. 

Another useless day. And the pain wasn't getting any less.

"Ok. This is not happening. Yesterday I felt his dreams. And now he's conscious. He is meant to be dead. A remnant. He is here. He is alive."

"You sure? He is not looking at us, not talking to us."

"He is blind. Mu-whatever the guy is called- made him blind. And he is scared. Who wouldn't? He can't trust us. But I can feel him. I can't penetrate his barriers, he is stronger than me. I feel him trying to penetrate mine. And yours too for the matter."

"A kagemusha then? Gee, I don't want to meet that guy for sure."

Sacha didn't reply. "Sach? What's up?"

"I am up. Konnichi wa, Anya-san." A chilling voice cut the air like a knife and Anya turned to look at the man in white standing at the door. 

"You have to come. Now." Taylor stood at the door, looking pannic-stricken. Staring at his section chief like he was transparent. "Anya's here. Covered in blood. Her own. She's talking... she's saying Muraki did it." Tatsumi had understood enough to nudge Tsuzuki to move. The girl was really covered in blood. And trying to fight back a panic attack. But she spoke Japanese well enough for them to understand the important bits. "We should have told you earlier.. But we thought he was a remnant. He was barely alive when we found him. He didn't die and then he regained consciousness this morning and we were going to tell you and then the guy Mu-something showed up. And Sacha teleported herself and the boy out of trouble but he is going to find them soon." Tsuzuki couldn't believe his ears. He must be dreaming.. "Are you saying.." The girl looked straight at him and cut him short "Yes. Your partner is alive, that's what I am saying. But if you do not go soon and try to stop the man in white, your joy is going to be short lived."

Muraki had found them again. He couldn't see him of course, but he knew he was there. The barrier the girl had put up was strong. But it wouldn't hold for long. So was it the end again? How many time had he thought that lately? And who were these girls anyway? Anya and Sacha. He had heard about them. the way you hear about legends. The first shinigami to go freelance, a trend that had't caught up in the far east at all. Experienced, powerful. They still couldn't stand up to Muraki. How could they then? How could he, blind as he was? 

"Muraki". A voice hissed from the darkness that was now all around him. A familiar voice. A warm and loved voice. It couldn't be, could it? He stretched out to feel for him. "Long time no see, Tsuzuki-san." 

He had come despite all. He had come again. Come for him. 

The shiki weren't helping though. Muraki had become even more powerful. How did he do  it. Still a mystery. Tsuzuki looked over to his partner, on the other side of the room. Anya had mentioned he was blind. He was so far away. He would have liked to hold him just once, before going. Because there was no way out of this, Muraki was so in control this time. And the girl, Sacha, had taken over again with her magic, but she was at the end of her tether, wasn't she. One more hit... And there she goes. Tsuzuki looked at Muraki as he was getting ready to take his last strike. Directly at him. He met the silver eyes, full of arrogance and powerlust. 

Hisoka felt something.

_Listen to me. You are more powerful than I am. I am experience but magic is more a thing you feel than a thing you learn. And you can do it. You can face up to him. Goddamit, it doesn't matter that you are blind, you are a bloody empath! You have come all this way so he would know you don't hate him, but this way he is never going to."%_

%"HIsoka.. I love you." "Stay away from me I hate you."%

%Hisoka.. I love you"%

And Tsuzuki felt something.

Muraki's eyes widened in surprise when his spell met a strong barrier. The girl was crouched on the floor half unconscious. Who was holding the barrier up? Could it be... "But you are blind"

"I am an empath, I don't need my own eyes." Tsuzuki's are fine actually, he wanted to add. %You feel magic% Hisoka turned his face to where he knew the tall man stood. He let the power flow and send him crashing again the wall. For the first time in a long time Muraki actually looked scared. He hit as strong as he could. He was facing Muraki and he hesitated. He had killed only once before... But that moment of hesitation was enough for Muraki to teleport himself out of trouble. "Damn"

They hadn't died and Muraki was gone for the time being. And Hisoka was alive.

"Hisoka.." Just saying the name filled him of joy. Whether he hated him or loved him it no longer mattered. He was alive and that was enough. He was ready to leave Meifu and reincarnate now if that was what the boy wanted. Automatically Tsuzuki motioned towards the boy... Then he stopped. %Stay away from me. I hate you%

Hisoka felt him stop. He felt the hesitation, the unconditional care, the joy, the desire to hold him and the will to restrain, forever. And he felt his own trepidation and joy and care and did what made sense. he flung himself in the arms of his partner and started to cry.  "Gomen...I lied. I don't. I don't hate you. I...just got so scared." 

"I don't care anymore. I will do whatever you want. Disappear from sight now, stay forever. I don't care if you love me or hate me, you are here. You are alive. That is enough. For me to carry on." Tsuzuki let his tears  mesh with that of his blonde love as he wrapped his arms around him. If this moment lasted forever, that would be bliss, he thought to himself. He stayed there, oblivious of Tatsumi whose eyes had also turned watery, and of the girls who were trying to get up and couldn't stop smiling. 

And Hisoka stayed there also oblivious. Just happy to be with the man he had finally admitted to himself he loved.


	2. can things really get better?

Hi! Thanks for the reviews I got (from Yanagi-sen, Ruby-tears and Sere-chan). It was originally meant to be a oneshot but as you can see I decided to go on instead.

 Please read& review! 

Hope it is not too bad. Ruby-tears: I did try to make sure the point of view was clearer this time. I still have no beta reader, partly cause I know no one who writes fanfics..

% generally menas memories. _Italics _thoughts and /_italics/_ I used for the words of a song, "I can't make you love me", by Bonnie Raitt.

I have read so many fics lately that I hope I have not unwittingly plagiarised someone... please let me now if you feel otherwise.

Disclaimer: I don't own YnM or any of the characters. I hopefully have invented Sacha and Anya though.

Watari had felt it coming for a while now. But still it broke his heart. 

"I cannot break this spell." Sacha concluded. 

He had seen Sacha working on it for days and he had understood it already. But to hear her say it, a totally different thing. Sacha and Anya had settled down pretty well pretty quickly in Meifu. They were supposed to help Hisoka with the transition and possibly also to regain his sight. But the latter possibility had just been quashed. Watari and Sacha sighed in unison.

Somewhere else in Meifu Anya sighed too. Actually Hisoka was doing well in getting used to the blindness and to using other people's sight as his own. Mostly Tsuzuki's really. It came so natural to Hisoka. BUT. There was this big but. A but full of the words Hisoka wouldn't say and the thoughts Tsuzuki would never know, if things didn't change. Mind you, Tsuzuki seemed contented. He spent his days with Hisoka, had even moved in with him, and HAD to keep a closer physical contact. Since he didn't really ask for much, he was in heaven really. He really thought his feelings were unrequited. Hisoka on the other hand did not feel the urge to clarify. He had a lot on his plate already. And the increased closeness with Tsuzuki was welcome, and still unthreatening. It didn't take an empathy to figure out all this much…BUT. There was a second but. Full of things Tsuzuki and Hisoka didn't know.

Anya sighed again. 

"So let us go over this again…"

"What is this, intro to magic 101? Ok, Watari, a spell is different from a curse. In a subtle but important way. A  spell has more limited effect. There's fewer things you can do with a spell. The blindness is definitely due to a spell. A curse is much more powerful, enables more control. But it is more heavy on the caster, and is less secure. All curses require a mark- which makes it more obvious- and a seal- which makes it vulnerable.."

"Because if you break or reverse the seal you get at the curse, you can invalidate it."

"Right"

"The seal can be an object, a phrase or an action. I knew this, Sacha. An object is easy to break, but to reverse a phrase or an action you need to repeat it in a context full of completely opposite feelings. A clever caster will use as a seal something that is difficult to break."

"As, for example, an action that the victim is unlikely to repeat by chance or even willingly. He can even make it so that the action is connected to such bad memories that the victim will NOT want to repeat it."

It wasn't hard to figure out what she was implying. A short silenced ensued. While a picture of Hisoka's curse mark showed on the overhead projector screen. 

"I had figured out the seal for this, you know." Watari pointed out.

"I know, I can see now why you didn't say anything.." Sacha whispered, her voice suddenly sadder.

"Maybe Muraki knew.."

"..That he was getting closer to breaking it? I do think so."

It was now Hisoka's turn to sigh. He felt no closer to controlling whatever he had controlled back then, to defeat Muraki. This current. This power. It seemed so far away now. Anya and Sacha kept saying he needed to synchronize with the world's power lines. Or something like this. But even in this new darkness, which he was getting so used to, it seemed impossible. He would NEVER defeat Muraki for real. He felt so tired.

Anya glanced at him briefly and picked up on the fatigue. She always seemed to. She had gotten used to looking after her own partner, who as a rule drove herself to exhaustion before giving up on anything. "It is lunch time. Let's stop for a break." She suggested.

"Food!!!" Cheered Tsuzuki rushing out of the room, while his partner hang on to Anya's arm and steadied his pace.  As Tsuzuki moved further away from them, the boy felt Anya turn around and say to him, and he could tell she would have been looking straight into his eyes, if he hadn't been blind, "There are more important ways for you to beat Muraki than to best him on strength." Hisoka felt the enigmatic quality of the sentence, but did not inquire any further as they approach the canteen.

(later that day)

It had been a long day. Hisoka felt exhausted. AS he arranged stuff around him he pondered. _There are more important ways you can defeat Muraki _What did she mean? He shrugged.

%I love you, Hisoka. %

He reflected how he had never actually told Tsuzuki he loved him too. He felt so safe he didn't want to try his luck. Tsuzuki didn't seem to be so upset… Hisoka felt ashamed at his lack of consideration. He let his mind wonder and reach Tsuzuki's. He felt the older man walk around and whistle to himself. His heart quenched.. Maybe he should tell him straight… That wasn't fair, Muraki was managing to deprive him even now. Of the joy of feeling loved and loving . So unfair…. Muraki.

Tsuzuki whistled while making some food. He remembered the first time he had cooked for Sacha, the girl had looked at him and said "this is awful. You can do better than this." Given Hisoka's current condition he had to learn and it was fully bearable now. Though far from good yet. Sacha. The woman really he couldn't figure out. She seemed.. so distant. Not even cold. Like thoughts and events rippled on her surface without being sucked in. But a look in her eyes when she thought noone was looking told him it was just a façade… Anya on the other hand was just more balanced. Very efficient and very wise. She also had a look sometimes in her eyes… of longing. But only when she looked at Sacha. Tsuzuki figured it may be the same look his eyes had when he stared at Hisoka.

/cause I can't make you love me if you don't/ you can't make your heart feel something it won't/

No he couldn't make Hisoka love him, but it didn't matter really and he would be ok if he could just stay as a friend with him forever. 

He stepped into Hisoka's bedroom and saw his blonde partner collapsed on the bed (a Western style bed). He smiled. He switched the lights off.

_/Turn down the lights/ turn down the bed/ turn down these voices inside my head/_

_/ lay down with me/ tell me no lies/ just hold me close/ don't patronize/ don't patronize me/_

/cause I can't make you love me if you don't/ you can't make your heart feel something it won't/

He laid down on the bed next to Hisoka and looked at his sleeping face.. like an angel's. Yawn.. he was tired too….yawn…

/_I'll close my eyes/ then I won't see/ the love you don't feel/ when you are holding me/ morning will come/ and I'll do what's right/ just give me till then / to give up this fight/ and I'll give up this fight_


	3. connections

Hi! Thanks for the reviews and encouragement to go on :P  Rinoa Redcloak: I am not really sure I will make anything decent out of this blindness business. Will try. 

Please read& review! 

% generally means memories. I was using _Italics _for thoughts. However, I didn't realize that when I upload my formatting goes awry and the italics disappears, so I know it has been a little confusing… will rectify.

I have read so many fics lately that I hope I have not unwittingly plagiarised someone... please let me now if you feel otherwise.

Disclaimer: I don't own YnM or any of the characters. I hopefully have invented Sacha and Anya though.

When Hisoka woke up, it was the middle of the night. He could tell by the still silence and the fresh breeze. He registered immediately that 1) he was still in his clothes 2) Tsuzuki was also asleep on the bed. _What!?! _He bolted up. In his mind he fought with himself to stop his hand from reaching over and checking whether Tsuzuki was still dressed too. He knew he had to believe. Not trusting had already made him get into trouble once. And he loved Tsuzuki. And yet the presence of his partner on the bed scared him and he could not stop it from happening. Fortunately, at least this time, his most sensible self won, and, taking care not to wake his partner, he moved to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Unfortunately he tripped on something. Damn. 

Tsuzuki was woken up by the sound of Hisoka falling on the floor. _What is he doing, he is going to get hurt all alone... _"Hisoka are you alright?" Tsuzuki switched on the bathroom light and found a half-naked Hisoka on the floor. It seemed a good idea to help him up. Then his body registered the contact with Hisoka's bare skin. It immediately stopped seeming like a good idea. It wasn't like it hadn't happened before and he only had his arm around the boy's shoulder… But still. It was enough. He felt the boy tensing as the bulge became increasingly obvious. Damn, damn, damn.

Hisoka saw himself through Tsuzuki's eyes. He was half naked. He was also blushing, unsurprisingly. As Tsuzuki helped him up, he felt Tsuzuki's emotions… and saw them changing. He also did not fail to notice a more bodily reaction of the man. Fear surged again. His whole body tensed up ready to reject the contact. Then he remembered. How the fear had led him straight into Muraki's arms, just to feel more pain. How fear had risked him losing his life, and that of a bunch of other people. And he remembered how Tsuzuki helped him undress without letting his emotions slip so many times when they had first been back. How he had learned to cook just for him. How he had stated clearly he would leave, if Hisoka preferred. And he just tried to remember his amethyst eyes and his caring smile, which he hadn't seen in a while. His body slowly relaxed. _Good boy…_

Tsuzuki was about to let go when he felt Hisoka relax and slowly motion closer. He was dumbstruck. This couldn't be. But he wasn't going to say anything that may push the boy away. He helped the boy back into the bedroom and Hisoka skillfully removed the covers from the bed and climbed into it. Tsuzuki motioned to tuck him in. They didn't say a word but the silence was somehow incredibly noisy. The brown-haired man stopped and looked down on the boy, his vacuous eyes. He brushed his bangs away from his forehead. Then slowly counted to three and motioned closer. Although his mind kept seeing neon signs all over with the writing "BAD IDEA" he couldn't stop himself. He kissed the boy's lips softly and whispered "Good night". When he moved his face away, his heart fluttered to see Hisoka smile. 

When Tsuzuki woke up, this time in his own bed and amazingly in time for work, the events of the previous night seemed like a dream. A lovely unassuming dream, but still a dream. He would have retained this impression, if Hisoka hadn't mentioned his fall over breakfast. "Thanks" he had said, blushing slightly. BLUSHING. Big neon signs appeared in Tsuzuki's mind again. Mostly question marks. His heart sang while they walked to work.

For the rest of the day Tsuzuki was cheerful. More than usual. In a manner different from usual. And everybody noticed and more than a few people wondered at the increased blushing that accompanied the inevitable contact between the two partners. People spent a lot of time wondering about the couple anyway, after all. Watari, Sacha and Anya's secret hopes were quenched, however, after a little revelation spell showed them that the curse marks were still there. "The marks are still there." Decreed the scientist. "But hey, something is going on. We can't expect them to go that fast…" Sacha smiled. She smiled so rarely, thought Watari. And every time she smiled at Hisoka, so much sadness seemed to accompany that smile. Something in her past? Watari blushed finding himself think how beautiful the girl was. He wasn't the only one who had noticed. Tatsumi himself was rather perky around the girl. Her soft brown curls and her shiny green eyes. Her elegant walk.  Not that Anya wasn't pretty. But there was this mysterious charm about Sacha. The same that surrounded Tatsumi himself or Tsuzuki.

Tatsumi tried to tidy up his office again. Which was proving pretty hard given that it was already very tidy to start with. But he always did that when something was on his mind that he had rather not think about. Eventually he gave up and sat back in his chair and resolved to analyse the very thoughts that were giving him such a hard time. He was jealous. No matter how he toyed around with the statement, no matter how he tried to get around it that was it. He was jealous. Of what though? Of the fact that FINALLY, thank EnmaDaiOh!, something was going on between his former partner and the blonde empath that did not involve arguing like crazy? Or of the fact that Sacha and Watari were constantly so engrossed in their work and maybe in each other that they never talked to him? Or maybe just generally of the fact that they were all somehow making connections and he was left behind? He couldn't deny that it was in fact his fault for spending all his time behaving like he was in ivory tower. Aloof, unavailable Shokan secretary. If he kept a diary like Bridget Jones maybe that could be his mantra. 

He got up again and started attempting to tidy up again. Then he noticed that Sacha was currently sitting under a tree just outside of the building. His mind debated whether to join her. For once the aloof unavailable secretary decided to get less aloof.

Sacha looked at the approaching man with surprise. She studied his features and his figure like she'd done before. He was good looking. She already knew  that there was something about Tatsumi that she found really attractive. He was the first person she had discovered herself thinking about in such a way for a long time. But of course Tatsumi loved Tsuzuki. It was no secret, if you had eyes at all. But that was no good. If Tatsumi ever got through to Tsuzuki, then Hisoka… 

The secretary was now very close. The usual polite chit chat ensued while he positioned himself next to her. Then, very bizzarely, he started staring at her. Neither of them was a real empath but they had enough power to tell what each other were thinking. Then Tatsumi spoke. "You don't think I deserve him." It was a flat statement.

"You left him when he needed you. The boy stayed." 

"I know I don't."

"If you harm Hisoka in any way, if you try to take Tsuzuki away from him, you will be in big trouble."

Tatsumi was taken aback by the vehemence of the girl's words. If he hadn't been able to tell with his low-key empathy that she did not despise him, he would definitely have thought so. It was his turn to wonder what made the girl so protective towards the boy.

" Have you ever had an impossible love?" Tatsumi wondered what had got into him as soon as the words left his mouth.

The brunette's eyes clouded "Yes. Not long ago. He was still alive and I was obviously me. At the time he was sixteen but he is probably thirty something now. God, I had never mentioned this to anybody before." Sacha blushed.

It was then that Tatsumi realized this was the most personal thing Sacha had said to anybody he knew for ages. It was something about the way she felt now that she'd said it. Like she'd given something precious away. Aloof unavailable freelance shinigami. That was Sacha for you. Caring and nice and kind. But removed from the rest of them. It reminded Tatsumi of himself.


	4. riddles

Thank you very much to all my reviewers! Especially Sere-chan, Rinoa Redcloak and Sissy who reviewed me twice! 

This chapter is a little of the line, but I just had to write it in. 

Yamatoforever: yeah, that's why, I wasn't sure how clear it was, since I obviously know. 

Yamatoforever&Sissy: About Hisoka's sight… still not sure.

Rinoa Redcloak: I guess you have got it, but in this chapter it will become even more obvious.

Dr Mwaahaha: Never enough T/H fics I have to agree.

I have read so many fics lately that I hope I have not unwittingly plagiarized someone... please let me now if you feel otherwise.

Disclaimer: I don't own YnM or any of the characters. I hopefully have invented Sacha and Anya though

For Hisoka the next few days went in a blur. He feared and at the same time longed to be alone with Tsuzuki, but it never seemed to happen. They would always be so tired when they got back home, or there would be people over. He sort of thought it was for the better though.

Muraki had also been out of his mind for a while. The doctor had been injured but not killed, yet he did not seem to have returned. Until one day…

"Emergency meeting" Tatsumi had called up everybody in the lunch room. Hisoka noted with surprise how Saya and Yuma were there too. They looked very worried. 

Tatsumi went over the basics. Some people were dying in Hokkaido. It seemed like the connection between their soul and their body was already severed, but the soul somehow lingered inside the body to prolong the agony of the people. Saya and Yuma couldn't make head or tail of it. All the five people had disappeared for a brief time of which they had no recollection. 3 of them were dying faster, whatever that meant. 

The group listened in silence. Then Sacha spoke. "Curse marks?" 

"Haven't seen any." Replied Saya "But we are no experts…" 

"This definitely sounds cursy to me. Or magicky anyway. Watari and I could lend a hand…" She cast a glance to Tatsumi, who nodded in approval.   

Watari nodded too. These cases had a familiar feel to them. But he was trying hard not to think about the link. Because somebody in the room might notice… He cast a quick glance to Hisoka. The boy seemed perturbed but no more than usual. Wasting disease. Lingering soul. _Shall NOT think about Bon's death…_

"Ok, Watari-san and Sacha, who's acting as his partner temporarily, will help you guys. Tsuzuki-san, Kurosaki-kun and Anya-san, I have a simple case for you. I thought it would be a good way to start back Kurosaki-kun on field duty..."

_Shall NOT think about Bon's death…_

Watari and Sacha strolled along the streets of Sapporo. They were approaching the hospital in silence. They knew- and this time no empathy whatsoever was involved- that they were thinking about the same thing. They were looking forward to checking out for curse marks and discover that they had nothing to do with Hisoka's.. and yet things could get messy if they were…

Yuma and Saya met them outside the main entrance. It was night and they had to keep invisible. The hospital was ghostly. Apart from a few nurses walking around there was hardly any movement in the corridors. The intense care unit was full of the gentle beeping of the machines. Watari reflected how strange it was to see Saya and Yuma so silent and serious. They clearly felt they were out of their depths here. 

The five victims were located in two adjacent rooms. Hardly a word spoken, Watari gently recited the incantation that Sacha had taught him just a few days earlier to visualize the curse marks. Every single body in the room lit up. When they looked under the cover, they saw no good news.

In the dark of Watari's lab, Watari and Sacha looked at the projection screen as a computer program superimposed 6 images… First the curse marks of the 3 people that were dying faster. All identical. Then the other two, identical between themselves and marginally different from the other three. Then the last one…

Sacha pointed at the part that differed. "This is a time symbol… 3 weeks in the faster dying group, 3 months in the slower group…"

"And 3 years for bon. Three, two, one."

"He is playing a game with us."

Silence. Then Watari slammed his fist on the table. He was trembling from rage. Sacha had never seen him so angered. His brow twitched. 

"Muraki-sensei… we cannot lose this game."

It was impossible to keep Tsuzuki and Hisoka out of this. Watari and Sacha limited the damage by avoiding showing the curse marks. 

"It is him for sure. He is playing some sort of riddle, with the three, two, one pattern…"

"One?" Hisoka was quite sure he had missed something.

"Oh yes. There is another yet slower victim." Curtly explained Watari, casting a quick glance to Saya and Yuma who had looked surprised for a second.

"We are working on this. We have no clue where he is. He may not even be in the area any more."

"So there is no point you charging in." Concluded Sacha with a meaningful look to the Kyushu duo. "We'll take care of this. We will ask for your help if needed." There was a definitive tone in her voice.

Damn she could really sound like Tatsumi sometimes, thought Tsuzuki. 

Watari and Sacha worked 24/7 to try to stop Muraki. They had a few days left before the first three people died. But the curse was unbreakable from outside. Sacha had to recognize Muraki was a hell of a good warlock. There were no loose ends and she was clutching on straws as a result. They had to find the seal. 

_The seal the seal the seal. And how does Bon fit into this? _Watari sighed. "Let's go back to the basics…" He started… then he stopped.

Sacha and him had an epiphany at the same moment.

"Intro to magic 101… The seal can be an object, a word or an action…" whispered the girl.

Bon fitted in perfectly.

There was the key to their riddle.

The following night Watari and Sacha returned to the hospital with greater hope. They were still working against time, but they confided that they would find what they were looking for fast. The game consisted in finding the pattern, and it would have been no fun if the objects had been impossible to find. And without fail there they were, three identical bracelets tied to the arms of the victims. Right under their noses. 

Watari took care of it. He was getting quite the hang of Western magic. Few words, concentration and props seem to be key. Within minutes the bracelets were gone. The three victims screamed in pain as the bracelets burned away. The marks lit up, for one last excruciating moment, to then go out forever. If Sacha hadn't warned him of this, Watari would have been worried that the procedure had failed.  In the mean time Sacha proceeded to use a remembering spell on the other two. The amnesia was keeping them from remembering the hateful words which had sealed the curse. They had to wait until the next day to proceed with them though. 

The next day Watari and Sacha were at the hospital again. They wished they had had time to find a cover story for their presence, but time was short. So they just posed as wackos. It took them amazingly little to convince the loved ones of the two remaining victims to say the words that, after a night of pondering, they had decided would free them of the curse. _These people are so desperate, it clenches your heart. Did Bon's parents ever feel like this?Or could they really not care less? _Thought Watari. 

At first the victims' relatives were scared when their loved ones screamed in pain. But as the pain receeded and their conditions improved, they turned grateful to the funny couple. But by then, Watari and Sacha had gone far and away.

The duo left the place with different feelings. 

That night Watari had a good night sleep, for the first time in a long while. They had won. In a way. Ok, Bon was still cursed but they could only hope couldn't they? It was somewhat satisfying to know the doctors would wonder what the hell had happened. And these people would live. It happened so rarely in their line of work.

Sacha spent the night in the lab. She felt different about this. She could imagine Muraki smirking somewhere in the shadows. They had lost. Unless Hisoka set himself free, they would still lose to Muraki's riddle. 

Sitting in the lab, Sacha cast a sad glance outside the window.

Memories came back. Tears flooded to her eyes as she cried herself to sleep.

Anya and Sacha were back at the house the following night. The Shokan division was providing them with a nice apartment for the time being. Anya absent-mindedly cooked while her partner took a shower. Her partner… Anya was no longer sure she could call Sacha her partner. She worked with Watari and Anya with Hisoka and Tsuzuki nowadays. Ok, it should have seemed like a blip of time in the decades they had been together, but yet it seemed like the last few months had inserted themselves like a wedge between them, a wedge that was going to pull them apart forever. And the previous night when Sacha hadn't come back at all, to sleep in the lab, was just the last straw. _Actually it all started back then…_ _What the hell happened to us? What the hell happened to you, while I was in that coma? _Her loyalty to Sacha would never fade and she knew that for a fact. But her old friend had changed so much in the past 15 years. She had become aloof, emotionless, distant. And coming back to Japan had made things worse, much worse. Anya sighed. She had been doing that a lot lately.

Sacha approached the kitchen toweling her hair. 

"How was your day?" Sacha asked her partner. 

Anya snapped out of her thoughts in a minute. "Hisoka is making little progress lately. So it's tiring and frustrating most of the time. Sacha, why can't we just tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

"Everything! That he could really easily get the curse off himself. That his power comes from Fate changing."

"We can't. He needs to decide that independently. And Fate changing is bad. What are you going to tell him? 'Oh, boy, all our actions are meaningless because we walks the predicted paths of fate, while you a fate changer can see and change anybody's fate at will?' That's a lot of responsibility for one person. He needs to find out for himself. He needs to find the limitations for himself." 

Sacha always took decisions for the both of them. With no explanations. Something inside Anya finally snapped. "How do you know this Sacha? Are you a fate changer? Is this what that was, that shocked you so much? Or do you always just think you know everything?" The exasperation in Anya's voice was evident. 

Sacha didn't respond. But Anya realized she had struck the right cord, as her friend plumped down on a chair and stared at the floor.  "I don't want to talk about it now."

"When are you going to? It is fifteen years now! And you never told me what happened! You are my partner… who am I to you? Why have I followed you this far? I have been such a fool!" Anya threw the apron on the floor and dashed out of the house. Sacha made no move to follow. But she lifted her eyes and looked at where the other girl had been standing.

" I think you'll know all very soon, Anya."

!! 


	5. awakenings

Thank you very much to all my reviewers! Especially all of those who reviewed me multiple times! 

Yamatoforever: what you say about rape is definitely true but I have to speed up things a bit. I guess my point is that Tsuzuki would wait and it is really all up to Hisoka. 

Siisy: I think this fatechanger thing is original… but please let me now if I have taken it from somewhere.

Rinoa Redcloak: Thank you for liking my characters!

_Italics_= thoughts, _/italics/_= words of two songs by Avril Lavigne, "Naked" and "Things I'll never tell".

%=memories 

I have read so many fics lately that I hope I have not unwittingly plagiarized someone... please let me now if you feel otherwise.

**Disclaimer: I don't own YnM or any of the characters.** I hopefully have invented Sacha and Anya though

_I wake up in the morning/ Put on my face /The one that's gonna get me /Through another day /Doesn't really matter/How I feel inside /'Cause life is like a game sometimes /But then you came around me /The walls just disappeared /Nothing to surround me /And keep me from my fears /I'm unprotected /See how I've opened up /Oh, you've made me trust /  
Because I've never felt like this before /I'm naked /Around you /Does it show? /You see right through me /And I can't hide /I'm naked/ Around you /And it feels so right /I'm tyring to remember /Why I was afraid /To be myself and let the /Covers fall away /I guess I never had someone like you /To help me, to help me fit /In my skin _

_(Naked by Avril Lavigne)  
  
_

Hisoka and Tsuzuki had made little progress lately. 

Tsuzuki had retreated into the won't-try-my-luck mode. He had all to lose and little to gain. He hummed as he had taken to while cooking. He could hear his partner diligently reciting his report to a tape recorder in the living room. The sound of the boy's voice voice was somehow soothing. Hisoka. The name evoked a warmth he had never known he could feel. Cut the onion. Hisoka. Fry the onions. Hisoka. Boil the noodles. Hisoka. The thought of him punctuated the most normal of routines. Hisoka. The beginning and end of everything.

Hisoka had retreated into too-fearful-to-say-anything mode. He had all to gain, but wasn't sure he wanted to gain it yet. He diligently dictated the report. Then listened to the soothing sounds coming form the kitchen. At times like this the memory of the kiss that night came back to his lips and he felt like asking for more… Damn.  Hisoka recognized the song Tsuzuki was humming. The words were oddly appropriate, he thought with a dry smile…

_I'm tugging at my hair /I'm pulling at my clothes /I'm trying to keep my cool /I know it shows /I'm staring at my feet /My cheeks are turning red /I'm searching for the words inside my head /I'm feeling nervous /Trying to be so perfect /Cause I know you're worth it _

Hisoka pondered how he was letting things slip out of his hands. Fear again. It was no longer fear of what Tsuzuki might "do" to him. It was rather fear that Tsuzuki may find him… inadequate. That he may decide to leave him. But Tsuzuki wouldn't do that. Tsuzuki had come for him even when he had been rejected. He should know better than to fear that.

  
_If I could say what I want to say/I'd say I wanna blow you... away /Be with you every night /Am I squeezing you too tight /If I could say what I want to see /I want to see you go down /On one knee /Marry me today/Yes, I'm wishing my life away /With these things /'ll never say _

  
Why could he just…Damn! He should really get out of this cage Muraki had made around him.

  
_It don't do me any good /It's just a waste of time /What use is it to you /What's on my mind /If it ain't coming out /We're not going anywhere /So why can't I just tell you that I care_

It was then that Hisoka resolved. If anybody had been there to see it, they would have thought it was something amazing. He willed himself up and willed himself to the kitchen, trying to shut up the scared voices in his head. Because this nonsense had to stop. Now.

Tsuzuki hadn't heard him come into the kitchen. When the boy's arms wrapped around him from behind, his mind stalled. Hisoka, Hisoka, Hisoka… no other thought could possibly receive any attention. Not even the food. He managed to turn around in the boy's arms. "Are you Ok?"   
"Sure I am. Thank you. For always making sure that I am." Hisoka said. There was an emotion in his voice... could it be…

The neon signs were back with BAD IDEA on them. But Tsuzuki brushed them aside again. He bent down his head and started kissing the top of Hisoka's. It didn't take a minute before the boy looked up and he got a chance to kiss his lips again. When he felt Hisoka's response, the neon signs finally switched off.

The fearful voices in Hisoka's mind did the same.

And Tsuzuki turned off the stove. Even food could wait now.

Not so long after, piles of clothes littered the way between the kitchen and Hisoka's room. The two shinigami softly moaned their ways towards their peak. Neither of them could any longer concentrate on the enormity of what was happening. Their moans grew louder as the peak was reached.

But the joy was short lived. Hisoka felt searing pain, and Tsuzuki saw the curse marks lit up. As Hisoka screamed, Tsuzuki cursed Muraki once more under his breath.

The next morning Hisoka prepared himself to go to work. His spirits were pretty low. The memory of the pain was strong. It hadn't lasted but a moment, yet… But strangely enough he felt fine. He wanted to repeat it again, but he feared the pain. Damn Muraki. But  now he felt fine. The thought kept hitting his head. Like he was missing out something, overlooking something important that his unconscious self was trying to get him to notice. 

 %The are more important ways you can defeat Muraki.% This sentence also popped out in his head on the way to work.

It wasn't until he started training with Anya that he noticed how much more powerful he had got.

Anya already knew the answer when she took the boy and Tsuzuki to Watari's lab. She watched in silence while the scientist and her old partner checked this and that. More for scene sake than other.

_She doesn't seem to care. We had a huge row and she doesn't care. She avoids me and doesn't look at me and hasn't said a word since last night, yet it doesn't look like she cares._

"The curse is gone." Watari summed up. Hisoka and Tsuzuki looked really puzzled and sought confirmation from Sacha.

"Muraki is dead?"

"No. I think…" Watari started, but the embarrassment got the more of him and he started blushing.

_What's going on?_ Thought Hisoka.

Sacha continued for him. Watari mentally cursed her for being seemingly emotionless. "We think something may have happened… you may have done something, which caused the curse to lift..."

"I felt searing pain and the marks lit up last night..." Hisoka's brain was racing to the answer, as he was putting the pieces of the jigsaw together.

"That would have been the curse lifting, yeah."

"Ok, guys, why don't you cut the crap." Anya blurted out in her usual no-nonsense way. " We all know what happened, because we know what would lift the curse and Sacha is not usually wrong. You made love, whoopee. We didn't really think it would happen, so congratulations." 

Hisoka and Tsuzuki had no time to let their jaw drop. They were too busy turning as red as can be. Both of them looked alternatively at Sacha and Watari for clarification.

All this time, they thought we should… didn't tell us… 

The silence was getting awkward, so Watari went through the usual curse explanation. Tsuzuki also started adding up the numbers.

 "In brief, the rape was the seal of your curse and making love, you reversed it. We wish we could have told you earlier, but you had to get there on your own." Finished Sacha.

 "Didn't I tell you there were other ways to beat Muraki?" added Anya. "You showed that you were stronger, that you were not going to let your life be shaped by him for eternity. You win and he loses."

Tsuzuki had never felt so proud of Hisoka. And Hisoka could feel it.

Hisoka smiled at him because he too thought the same. He was really beaming, but nobody seemed stunned that he was anymore. _I am really free now_, he thought. This was a new beginning.

Hisoka and Tsuzuki had taken the rest of the day free. Watari was making potions. Anya was training herself. Tatsumi and Konoe were at a meeting and the rest of the shinigami were out of the office too. So nobody noticed when Sacha slipped out. She knew she didn't have much time. 

By the time everybody came back and the report of a new gruesome death came by, Sacha was nowhere to be found.

Many miles away, Sacha was being showed in one of the most popular brothel of Kyoto. She looked around herself with curiosity. _A brothel, eh? You were never the academic one, Oriya-kun._

A man entered behind her silently. He looked at her with surprise. She was the last person he would ever have expected to see. He could not believe his eyes. _Kathy?!? _"Long time no see, Kathy-chan. What do you I owe the pleasure to?"

She turned to look at her old love with sad eyes. "Pleasure? I just came to tell you to run away. We are fated to die in two hours. The three of us. If you don't, you will be dead soon. Run away, Oriya. I would hate to see you dead."


	6. revelations part I

I haven't got that many reviews but I have got repeated reviews from the same people so thank you so much because it makes me feel it is worth to go on. 
    
    (Rinoa Redcloak: I don't write very often but I think up stories a lot. So I have had that in my mind for a while.)
    
    It will all come together soon. I think there will be 1 or 2 chapters after this one. 
    
    Also, I retreated into known lands by drawing from Greek/Roman mythology. My rendition may not be completely exact though… also I invented the Fate Changer stuff. I think.
    
    As usual _italics_= thoughts, _/italics/=_ words of a song, "Wuthering Heigths" by Kate Bush, %=memories

I have read so many fics lately that I hope I have not unwittingly plagiarized someone... please let me now if you feel otherwise.

Disclaimer: I don't own YnM or any of the characters. I hopefully have invented Sacha and Anya though
    
    _Out on the winding/ windy moors we'd roll and fall in green/_
    
    _You had a temper/ like my jealousy/ too hot/too greedy_

% "You are saying that you are dead." 

"I am" 

"But… how can this be." 

"We don't have time for this. Your friend is in danger, remember? I have to go. I hope I will be back with him." "You are scared." 

"I am."% 

Kathy sitting at a desk the first time he had seen her. Kathy laughing. Kathy when she told him that she wasn't a real person, that she was dead and a shinigami. 
    
    _How could you leave me/ when I needed to possess you?/ I hated you I loved you too_
    
    _bad dream in the night/ They told me I was going to lose the fight_

% "I saved him Oriya, but it isn't right. He will kill Oriya. Many people. Many people."%

Kathy in tears when she had revealed to him that Muraki would become a psycho killer. All these images revolved around in Oriya's head. And Kathy there now. She would have looked the same as ever, if it hadn't been for a certain look she had in her eyes. A look that said she had aged inside.

He finally broke the silence.

"I am not going anywhere. I am not going anywhere without you."

"I can't escape my fate, you know that. It is foolish of you to die." Her voice trembled. There was care in it. Oriya's heart remembered what it felt like to love her. His voice softened.

"No. All this time you have carried this burden. All this time you thought it was your fault. I can see it in your eyes. Well, girl, I will tell you something. It is my fault too. I made a promise and at the time I didn't realize how hard it would be. Every time I help him, tend his wounds, give him food, I help him kill people. And I am tired of doing that. So I am not going anywhere. I will get my workers to leave the building if you think it is necessary. I have two hours left to live. I am not going to waste my time trying to escape. I have a better idea on how to spend my last time alive." Oriya held Kathy's gaze, which felt incredibly heavy. She didn't say anything, but her eyes were pleading. He forced himself to keep holding the gaze as he closed the distance between them.

Sacha held her breath. And he kissed her on the lips.

In Meifu, the shinigami were discussing about the new gruesome case they had. What really puzzled them was the message left on the victim: _I know you are here, Kathy._ Their first thought was that Muraki had something to do with this, but it really didn't look like it at a closer look. 

A knock at the door of the meeting room shook them all from their discussion. But what shook them more was Anya's face upon entering.

"Anya? What's wrong?"

The girl sunk down in silence on a chair and showed Tatsumi a brief letter

.

"_Dear Anya,_

_I am sorry I cannot explain what is going on. I would rather you and all the others didn't get involved. I am writing this message to say goodbye, because I know that I haven't got much left to live. A couple of hours. Please tell the others that I love them and not to worry about me. _

_You will get some sort of gruesome message from somebody looking for Kathy. Kathy is me. It will all resolve itself in a few hours, don't worry about it. I need to go to try and save at least him. _

_You are a wonderful shinigami and you have been a wonderful partner and a great friend. _

_Love,_

_Sacha_."

Tatsumi looked puzzled and worried at the girl. Anya kept looking to the ground. She started out softly.

"There are things that we didn't tell you. And things she didn't even tell me. Sacha has been to Japan before. I don't know what happened because I was in a coma then. As a shinigami. She came to track down the person that caused me to go in a coma. When she came back, that's when she decided to leave the division. At first she seemed shell-shocked. Then she became like a different person, all withdrawn and seemingly emotionless. She didn't use to be like this. Like she was carrying a huge burden. She never told me what happened. With time, I somehow figured out she had for the first time used some sort of power she had been told she possessed, and it didn't go well."

The four shinigami listened in silence. They still looked puzzled. "What does she mean by 'I've not got much left to live', how would she know?" asked Tatsumi slowly.

"I think… she never said it herself, but I am pretty sure Sacha is a Fate Changer." She looked up at Tatsumi

Watari, Hisoka and Tsuzuki were still clueless, but they would have agreed it sounded ominous.

Tatsumi on the other hand clearly knew what she was talking about. His brow furrowed. "Do you really believe in that?"

"She made me believe in it."

"Tatsumi, what's going on?" Tsuzuki demanded for an explanation.

Anya continued. "In ancient Greek and Roman mythology there was a belief that fate is predetermined and immutable, and everybody, even gods have to bend to it. Currently, it is popular belief among the shinigami that this is true but that some people, maybe 1 in 10, maybe fewer, are imbued with the power to see and affect the fate of others, hence the name Fate Changers. Most people don't even realize they have such power. They may have hunches of what is best to do in some situations, and generally the choices they make affect everybody around them. They can't actually change their own fate. It's… difficult, because it is too easy to excuse oneself this way and at the same time it is hard to accept that you have no real free will. But, yes, I think it is real." Anya started to sob quietly. "Which means I can do nothing to save her."

Silence reigned in the room for a few seconds. Anya kept sobbing. _Can't help her… she will die… she will die…_

She was so immersed in her thoughts that the voice seemed to come from another dimension. "Are you crazy? You can't just ACCEPT that she is going to die." Anya felt herself being lifted up and found herself looking very closely at Hisoka's face. "She is your partner and you followed her through thick and thin, so cut the crap, as you would say, and start looking for her."

"Hisoka…" Anya caught herself just in time. There had to be a reason why Sacha had not wanted to tell him about his powers. And Anya had started to feel that that reason might be connected to why she had said nothing about her own powers. If he was willing to do something, Hisoka was Sacha's only hope, and Anya knew it. She nodded. "But I really have no idea where she may be." 

Sacha lifted herself from the bed slightly. Through an open slit of the door she looked at the procession of people leaving the establishment. Oriya was a kind man. She had known when she had first seen him. Katsutaka and him seemed like the oddest couple of friends. Muraki was always arrogant and self-assured. It may have been a mask that he wore to start with but it had stuck so deeply that he couldn't take it off anymore. Oriya was gentle and caring. Oriya was loyal. _I guess that was his problem in the end. _She hadn't expected to fall in love. Apparently Oriya had never suspected. He had left her to the advances of his friend, which she had accepted in hope to learn more about the case. % I will never desert him. I promise that. % The rash promise of a friend who didn't know what horror was. But he was right. He had open Pandora's box, and now he could not shut it. He could only go. At least he was not going to go alone. Oriya entered the room in silence. "They have almost all left." 

"Good because he will be here soon."

Anya was looking through her partner's drawers. That was the best idea they could come up with to find the girl. Tatsumi had mentioned what she had said about being in love with some guy and they had concluded there was a high chance that this guy was located in Japan. He was probably the guy she was referring to in the letter. But they had no idea who he was. The silence was heavy with frightened thoughts. Finally Anya located what she was looking for. It was a small lacquered box, looking pretty innocuous in the corner of an underwear drawer. But Anya knew Sacha kept some private stuff in it. She had seen her friend take it out and go through its contents with great care, when she thought she was alone. Anya opened the box with almost religious care. She was trying to refrain from hoping too much. There were pictures in the box. Many were of Anya herself, which made the girl smile a little. Some were of the Shokan division people. Anya mad a mental note to herself that more than one of those were of Tatsumi. Finally she got to a photo that was different. It was the photo of a Japanese boy. It was older than some of the others. She immediately knew it was him. She handed the picture to Watari, who was standing there in silence with his three colleagues. Watari spoke softly "We can scan this in and search the database. It should be possible to find him. Uhm, he looks kind of familiar too." He passed the photograph to Tsuzuki and Tatsumi. "Yeah he looks familiar. Still, don't know who he is." They agreed. It was then that Hisoka spoke. As soon as Tsuzuki had glanced at the picture he had known. And he had remembered an image he had got from Sacha's mind when she had first touched him, a few months earlier on the steps of Saint Paul's. A familiar looking person, but much younger and more vulnerable, covered in blood. Things were coming together in a strange way. But they were coming together. Somehow. And so Hisoka spoke "It's Oriya Mibu, Muraki's friend." 

When he walked into the garden, Sacha felt it. It was her destiny coming to her. Oriya caught her holding her breath and squeezed her tighter. "How can he possibly be back? Not that I don't believe it, I have seen quite a few odd things in my time… Is it Muraki's doing?" 

Sacha shook her head. "He certainly tried and failed. I think he made some pact with a demon. Came back from hell."

They caught sight of him coming towards the house. It was all silence. He looked young and deranged. He smirked. But somehow the couple wasn't scared. They were somehow suspended in a moment they had truly been expecting for decades.

_Come and get your revenge if you wish, Shidou Saki._

Sacha knew exactly what would happen but Oriya was taken aback when he saw Muraki approaching. "They are going to fight. Muraki is going to lose." It was Oriya who had said it. It wasn't hard to guess.

By the time the five shinigamis got to Kokurou the place looked like a war field. Well, maybe it was a war field after all. 

They hadn't really known what to expect. But this was nowhere near their expectation. Muraki was getting his ass kicked. (Uh yeah, baby). Sacha and Oriya weren't in sight. But Hisoka could feel their presence, which reassured them it wasn't too late. What to do now? Help Muraki? It seemed against the order of things. But Hisoka felt it was the only way to get at the... creature. He looked like a man but didn't feel human. Muraki felt like a really nice person in comparison. 

Anya looked at Hisoka secretively. She could see him pondering, and she was wondering whether he would do something. Whether his doing something would save them or be the undoing of them all. She just kept hoping. They say hope is the last one to die. (n.a. this is a direct translation from Italian) Her had always been there.

Hisoka reached out to try and feel the lines of the world. He had never tried it in a battle situation but he saw no choice. He knew nobody else could really do much. Why that was, and how he knew it, it was all still unclear. But things were coming together and he knew this was the moment of truth. 


	7. revelations part II

I finally found the time to continue this! Sorry to those who read this for the long hiatus! Almost the end- only 1 more chapter to go.

I have read so many fics lately that I hope I have not unwittingly plagiarized someone... please let me now if you feel otherwise.

Disclaimer: I don't own YnM or any of the characters. I hopefully have invented Sacha and Anya though

Energy poured into the surrounding. 

It was like the world was shaking and rearranging itself somehow. It was like a twister had hit them and the world was spinning. 

It was powerful but short lasting. 

It was similar to when they had last encountered Muraki. 

And somebody was radiating this energy that had just changed everything somehow. And this someone was Hisoka. Tsuzuki didn't regard himself as the cleverest of men, but he knew- he _felt_- things. And he knew that he had never seen anything so powerful before and he knew that this power was the same that Sacha had dreaded for so long. It was a power that nobody could face and that could drive you insane if you ever abused it. But Tsuzuki had faith. Faith that Hisoka would handle it. Because somehow he knew his little blonde-haired lover really could.

The scene stood somehow changed after the odd blast. Saki was lying on the floor. Lifeless. And Sacha and Oriya were slowly coming out of the establishment. Sacha looked like a different person. Beaten, defenseless, scared. Oriya looked just like he normally did. He was staring at Hisoka with a lot of admiration. The rest of them were more or less surprised of the development. There was an aria of expectancy. Hisoka was unreadable. He looked alternatively at Anya, Sacha and Muraki. He wandered close to Muraki and stared at him for a while. Muraki quivered slightly. Then he moved toward Sacha and stared at her. 

"I am sorry." Sacha whispered. "I saved him. I didn't know… and then I knew. But even if I had known, I just couldn't have…" Her voice quivered.

"I know, he was no different from me. Oriya told me once. He was just a boy. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault he killed me, or any of them. And he was your friend. I know, when you found me at St Paul's, I looked just like him back then to you." Hisoka's voice sounded different, wise and controlled. Then he did something unexpected. He pulled the woman to himself and hugged her. Sacha was startled at first, but she slowly closed her arms around the boy. As Hisoka whispered into her ear, her eyes widened a little, and she brought him closer. 

"When I last came to Japan, I was chasing after Saki. I met Oriya and Katsutaka and decided to befriend them to get to Saki. I grew attached to them while Saki was somewhere hidden. When we finally met, Saki immediately realized I was a shinigami and what I was there for and he fled. But not without kidnapping his half brother. When I caught up with them again, Katsutaka was dying. It was snowy and he was naked and the blood was everywhere. I had known about my powers for a while, but I had never used them consciously. I saw no way of defeating Saki otherwise and… I lost control. I was outraged, mad, saddened." She stopped "I killed him. In a few seconds. And I saved Katsutaka's life. It seemed… it seemed like the right thing to do. But later I saw, what he was going to do, and I broke down. I felt I had abused my powers. I decided to leave the profession and it was only because of Anya's and my old chief's insistence that I kept working as a freelance. When I met you, it was very hard on me. But helping Hisoka felt like a way to repay him of being responsible for his death. Now I feel like I really got to the end of the road and… I may be able to start anew." Sacha finished her explanation and looked down on the tatami, but not without first casting a fond and apologetic look at her partner, whose happiness to see Sacha alive and well still shone ever so bright.

They were recovering from the events inside the establishment. Oriya poured tea for all of them. Muraki was on one side. He was not going to be a problem again. The four Japanese shinigami and Anya were sitting around a low table listening to the story they had all been longing to hear. To each of them, it had a huge and unique importance.

"Hisoka is right. You are not responsible for what Muraki did. You cannot be blamed for following your heart or doing bad without intention. Hisoka taught me that. And you have paid your penance, suffering all these years in silence. Come back with us. You are still needed." Tsuzuki spoke softly, while his colleagues nodded. 

Sacha lifted her face and smiled. "I guess I will." Her eyes shone with gratitude.


	8. epilogues

This is my long-awaited (probably NOT, but let me dream) conclusion. I just had to finish it!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own YnM or any of the characters. I hopefully have invented Sacha and Anya though.  
  
"I would have died anyway" Tsuzuki's head snapped back to look at his boy. "I was going to kill myself. I was going to kill myself and go to hell and that was going to be the end. Instead Muraki was saved and he killed me and here I am with you." Hisoka stopped for a moment and kissed his lover briefly. "I have met the only person who's ever loved me. If Muraki hadn't killed me, I wouldn't have." The truth in those words hang in the air, heavy and intoxicating. Paradoxically it had been a blessing, for them both, to end as they did. "That's what I told her in the garden."  
  
"That's what he told me." She said it offhandedly, as a matter of fact. But Anya knew how much it meant to her. They sat in silence on the edge of the bed and looked at the wind blowing the tree branches outside. "I am sorry I never told you. About all of this." Anya squeezed her hand in the silence. "It doesn't matter" she whispered. She let go of Sacha's hand and picked up the letter sitting next to her. She stared intentedly at the text, then moved her gaze to her companion. "Hey" "Uhm?" "So, are we going to take this job or not?"  
  
It was Tatsumi's turn to be surprised at the visitor while he sat under the cherry tree. "Hey" He nodded silently as the girl plopped down beside it. "I hear you are staying. Congratulations. We always need good shinigami." "Your department crawls with them already." Rebutted Sacha. "So why did you stay?" The girl shrugged her shoulders "For the warmth of friends. For the fun of working with Watari." She stared right into Tatsumi's eyes, and he felt funny for a moment. "For Oriya?" Sacha shook her head. "He belong to a different time and place... and a different world. Rather.." she paused and looked away, then turned back to him "For you." As usual she was just matter-of-fact, she didn't dress her thoughts and feelings in shiny sentences. But that was part of why he liked her. He reached over and took her hand. And they sat there and they thought about a future that, for the first time in decades, looked bright again. 


End file.
